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“Man Laws” Men of the Square Table


Jim J
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The men of the square table have the job to deem what is manly, and what is not manly in common male situations.

 

We here, need to decide what is manly and what is not manly in common smallmouth bass fishing situations.

 

Post your “Smallmouth Man Laws” here and we will publish a list of the best ones in the newsletter:

 

1. Man shall not go directly to a spot shown by another man the day after being shown said spot.

2.

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The men of the square table have the job to deem what is manly, and what is not manly in common male situations.

 

We here, need to decide what is manly and what is not manly in common smallmouth bass fishing situations.

 

Post your “Smallmouth Man Laws” here and we will publish a list of the best ones in the newsletter:

 

1. Man shall not go directly to a spot shown by another man the day after being shown said spot.

2. Man who takes another man fishing to a spot where neither man catches fish, shall provide his guest enough beer to forget that any such fishing trip ever occurred.

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On road trips, with the duration being more than 45 minutes, but less than two hours, the purchase of breakfast for the driver by the passenger shall be acceptable in lieu of gas money. Said breakfast purchase shall include tip. The role of driver/passenger shall alternate each time the same participants embark on similar length trips. The only exception to this rule shall be when one participant drives a Fiero, LeCar or a Gremlin, in which case that participant, in lieu of EVER driving, shall buy breakfast, lunch, dinner and alcoholic beverages of the driver's choice.

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Man Law #17:

 

No man shall photograph any smallmouth estimated to be under 14" (and subsequently post it on all your favorite fishing forums).

Just tell us about it- we believe you.

 

 

Eric- I recently upgraded to the latest Firefox version, and it comes with this really annoying spell checker that puts a red line under misspelled words as I type them.

Smallmouth is one of them....LOL

BTW- anyone know how to turn that damn thing off?

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Guest One More Cast

If you use the word "pole" instead of rod you shall not be alowed to use one....spin or fly. If you mis-spell vise as vice, you shall not be allowed to sit in front of one. Same with woolly bugger, if you can't spell it correctly, you can't use one. (for the exception, see Man Law #11. In that case you are allowed to pronounce the name of that fly as "woolly booger")

 

Joseph

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Man Law #20:

 

In addition to Scott's Man-Law..

If you are using a certain live bait- they are not called "worms"- they are crawlers.

"Worms" are made of a plasticized substance and come from a pre-determined mold, should always be "watermelon w/red flake" and attached to a Gamakatzu hook.

Man-Law!

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I hereby proclaim that Dick G broke Man Law #5 on 11-08-06. He claims that he did not know of such law. He was then told of this topic thread and given a warning.

 

What is the penalty for a second offense? Wet wading in Oswego?

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a Fiero, LeCar or a Gremlin

 

I propose an amendment to this law based on irrelevance. Most of these vehicles are extinct. The only vehicles exempt from fishing transport duty are economy cars fitted with oversized mufflers. Furthurmore owners of said vehicles fitted with aerodynamic wings should be reconsidered as fishing companions.

 

Man Law #--

Under penalty of ridicule, no vehicle, regardless of value shall be exempt from gravel roads/muddy roads.

Said vehicle, shall perform transport duty as any other. Transport duty is defined as:

 

Transportation to fishing destination, as close as possible regardless of road conditions.

Transportation to second fishing destnation (without complete removal of waders and or wading boots).

Return. Vehicles returning without mud, gravel chips and/or peculiar odors should be considered suspicious.

 

During said transport it is recommended that all gravel roads be approached at a very high rate of speed, regardless of conditions with an expression of exhuberance from the driver.

 

An orange '69 Charger would be a desirable vehicle for said purpose.

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Transportation to second fishing destnation (without complete removal of waders and or wading boots).

 

LOL! How many of us do this? Putting the waders on and taking them off once a day is plenty for me. Maybe this could be another man law?

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LOL! How many of us do this? Putting the waders on and taking them off once a day is plenty for me. Maybe this could be another man law?

 

Heh, yeah I keep them on... pull em down so they don't hit the seat. My big fear is if the car should burst into flames, I'd have to run away with neoprene waders around my knees :P I live on the edge.

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LOL! How many of us do this? Putting the waders on and taking them off once a day is plenty for me. Maybe this could be another man law?

 

How's this...

 

Upon returning to a fishing companion's vehicle with wet waders and the intention of driving to another fishing location nearby, man shall avoid creating a wet spot on the seat by pushing his waders down to his knees. A variance is granted for vehicles with a peculiar smell.

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Law # 22:

 

A bass that has been hooked, reeled in, lipped, and released is considered a CATCH. Follows, jump offs, long distance releases, and touches do not count and NOBODY CARES.

 

Law # 23:

 

Under no circumstances shall a net be used on a bass. Lipping a bass to confirm the catch is part of the sport of bass fishing. This law applies to all aspects of bass fishing -- even when fishing from a boat. If you're scared to lip a bass due to the possibility of being hooked, stay home and play with your Barbies.

 

MAN LAW

 

You crack me up!

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Rich,

 

Since it was my post (but not my original idea) I am editor and final Grand Pubah of this list.

 

My apologies upfront for those of you who don't make the cut.

I am the final arbiter of this list.

 

Since I didn’t put up parameters, here are some:

 

Succinctness, length, and humor are all considerations.

 

“Inside” Laws will not be considered.

 

More as I think of them….

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#24: Complaints about the weather will NOT be tolerated.

 

I just read the best hard core fisherman line ever on another board: "I just hope it's raining hard enough to keep the guides from freezin up."

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#25.....You knew it was coming

 

Releiving one's self up stream of a fellow angler will not be tolerated and could result in the severe throttling of the offender.

 

And I'm not even going to talk about #2. Get off the water, out of sight and downwind.

 

Breaking wind however is permissable, if it is agreed to by all parties proir to getting on the water. Again...only downwind.

This is not to imply that it needs to be out of hearing, that will be left up to the discretion of the perpetrator.

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  • 6 months later...

Law #28 (This law applies even when you are not fishing.)

 

Do not pronounce names on the map the French way.

 

We all know Joliet, Lemont, La Grange, Des Plaines, Du Page. ...

 

some of us know Marseilles, IL.

 

More advanced students know thad Danada Forest Preserve is named after Dan and Ada Rice and is pronounced accordingly. They also know that Schmale as in the road is a one syllable word that rhyms with snail. It was named after the Schmael family farm which was at the intersection of Schmale and Army Trail. The post office changed the spelling to make it easier for those not skilled in German.

 

Only the most advanced students know how to pronouonce that town just north of Kankakee, Bourbonnais. Since 1950 the area has been so overrun with college graduates from the city that the correct pronunciation survives only in the agricultural community. Anybody?

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Man Law #29

 

When a non-fisherman asks if you're catching anything, you shall always reply, "Nah, this river sucks. Nuthin' in here 'cept carp."

 

 

Man Law #30

 

When being photographed with your bass, you shall always fully extend your arm out front as you present your catch for the shot! ;)

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Man Law #31:

 

Anglers not carrying a measuring device into the field shall be assessed a 10% catch size penalty. Thus all fish 10" long are considered to be 9 inches long and all fish 20" long are considered to be 18" long.

 

Man Law #32:

 

Lies regarding fish size shall be sufficiently outrageous to be clearly identified as lies. Lies about the size of measured fish shall result in a one beer penalty.

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