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Guest rich mc

my broother is having his own turkey at his place so the weird one will have to be me. guiness, turkey, pumkin pie oh my! i am thankful that the ground froze. we have 6 bloodhounds and a golden ret. the yard has been quite muddy lately . rich

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Journalist Tony Hicks gives pointers that we should all take to heart.....


There's a new book out by Debra Fine titled "The Fine Art of Small Talk," in which she covers the dos and dont's of Thanksgiving small talk. I liked her suggestions, but they just weren't radical enough for some of us who've heard worse.


But I get her point: There are lots of topics to replace talk about who fathered whom back in 1971, who was really responsible for bankrupting the family business, or who shot Uncle Milt. It's water under the bridge. In fact, those things should top your list of topics to avoid like giant parasites this year.


Other topics to be avoided usually kick off with the following questions:


# "So what kind of birth control do you have Lisa on, now that she's in junior high?" Yeah, this is a bad one. No matter what you've heard about your little niece, her parents don't want to hear it from you. Pull her aside for a little talk. The mother, not the kid.


# "So your fiancee is Japanese. Didn't they start some sort of war with us?" If Pearl Harbor is specifically mentioned, it's time to grab the fiancee and retreat.


# "Does this look like it needs lancing?"

You should especially not ask this delicate question while carving the turkey.


# "So how many months along are you?" This one is always especially entertaining when the subject hasn't had sex in three years.


# "So how's the treatment program going?" It's especially helpful if Aunt Esther is swigging her third scotch while asking this question.


# "So what do you think about God, anyways?" This is the quickest way to get people reaching for steak knives. Unless you want to ask ...


# "So what do you think of the president?" This one can be disastrous if one doesn't know the political beliefs of newcomers. Or it can be terribly fun, depending on whether the family likes to bully new people.


# "9/11 was an American conspiracy, right up there with the moon-landing hoax." Whoever says this gets moved to the next room immediately. You could send them to the kiddie table, but then your first-grader goes to school the next week talking about Freemasons and the grassy knoll.


# "Have you ever heard how they kill a turkey?" This usually comes from the radical vegan at the table. Dismiss the subject immediately by telling them if they don't like their dinner, they can climb back up their tree. Then tell the kids the turkey died of natural causes on a farm, where it lived happily with its friends the cow, chicken and pig. All of which are also very yummy when they die of natural causes, by the way.


# "Why does Grandma have a mustache?" Because she's a mammal. Now eat your mashed potatoes.


# "I know you write for that newspaper, but have you ever considered getting a job?" Yeah, that one's always a highlight.


My favorite?

The scenario that asks whether you would save your wife/husband or mother/father if you could only save one of them from drowning after a boating mishap.

That always goes over well at a family gathering.

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Happy Thanksgiving from the weird one in my family.


I'm not surprised, Joseph...you're the weird one here, too. :lol:



Happy thanksgiving to all my fellow river rats!

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Best Thanksgiving Day holidaywishes to those of the ISA!!!

From myself & those of us in The Ohio Smallmouth Alliance

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